Droid Does

One Phone to rule them all,

One Phone to find them,

One Phone to bring them all

and in the darkness bind them.

Pulse Racing Power,

A New Generation of Does...

It's sinfully fast and capable.

Jenny, I think it can clean your house.

Cake or Death?

Ever since I was young, I've had it in my mind that I was going to die young.

Young, as in, I would never get to see my children grow up, go to college, get married.

Young enough that all the world would mourn my death and its tragicness for all the life that was wasted

and buried with me, along with a lock of my daughter's hair and my son's favorite stuffed animal.

Death would grow quiet and content inside me, a sneaking, painful disease that doctor's would only wring their hands over and look at each other in quiet, stealing glances, avoiding my eyes.

I resolved that if this should be the case, I wish to die in my own bed, in my husband's arms.

I have it all planned out, you see.

So you can imagine that when the symptoms actually begain 9 months ago, I was quick to dismiss them as nothing more than the overactive imaginings of a hypochondriacal mind.

I am my mother's daughter, I would remind myself.

But the discomfort in my abdomen that comes and goes, the sense of something being there that wasn't there before, resting beneath my ribs like a shadow playing hide and seek,

"Now it's there.

Now it's not,"

easy to ignore, easy to explain away...

well, it made the vision of an early death all too real.

So I decided to go in.

Urinalysis showed high levels of bilirubin in my urine and blood tests show my white blood count is low.

The Xray technician took a picture of my abdomen, and wasn't aiming higher up under my ribs where the Dr. needed to see, so those were useless.

The end result?

Perhaps the low WBC is genetic, so that's getting ignored.

There wasn't enough bilirubin to be of major concern, so that's also getting ignored.

She suspects that it could be gallbladder, based on some other minor symptoms

and in the end I walked away with a Rx for heartburn and constipation, scratching my head.

Constipation?

Is she serious?

I'm up to my eyes in fiber!

For god's sake, I've had black beans or broccoli, as an ingredient in my dinner for the last week!

Never mind that it is not possible to be constipated for 9 months straight, during which, I pointed out, I was and always have been quite regular.

And who get's "constipated" in one small spot under their left rib that is only uncomfortable when twisting or bending?

And really, even the word "uncomfortable" is a strong word. I just didn't know how else to describe it.

It's not painful, or even moderately annoying. It's just...a presense. Something my rib keeps hitting.

Is she trying to tell me my ribs are hitting poop??

To add to my confidence in her diagnosis, she says, "I'm thankful it wasn't anything more serious, but if those Rx don't work within a month, come back and we'll do an ultrasound right away."

So what you're saying is that you're willing to wait a month to find out if your wrong and it's something "more serious"?

Clearly, I was not satisfied with that, and didn't even bother filling the prescriptions.

Dr. Google here goes home to look for a new prognosis,

only to discover that I have stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

Why, God, does the internet have to be so comprehensive, thorough, and allow information to be so...accessible?

I have now banned myself from opening any new web browsers and am only allowing myself on Hotmail, CNN, and Facebook and am consoling myself with the devil of all constipaters...

BREAD! or to be more specific: Cupcakes.

And now I realize, I have answered one of life's deepest questions:

"Cake or Death?"

 I CHOOSE CAKE, PLEASE!!

Just breathe

Someday, I swear, this life will get easier, less chaotic, serene. No promises of when, it may not be until that part of life that is inevitable, death, but I swear, it will come....both the serenity and death. ;)
Random list of all the things goings on in my life and other upcoming events: mortgages and all the tidbits from my past, present, future, children's futures, my unborn children's future that need to be collected and submitted for approval. (I literally had to find my w-2's dating all the way to 2002-2006. (!!!!) I did accomplish the American Red Cross blood drive today. I got about 25 volunteers to donate. The goal was 28 with 3 DRC donros. I got 25 donors with 5 Drc's so that's not too bad for my first go 'round. (DRC's are double red cell donors.) I have a united way meeting coming up on the 9th. I have ali's pre-k starting on the 7th, I have dr's appts. (finally!!! finally got a pcm for the northern region!!) for me and the girls. Miraculously I was able to schedule a physical and pap for myself, a well visit and immunization catch up for Madi, and a pre-k physical for Ali all in the same day with back to back appts!!! Talk about good luck there! I have to work on thursday at the Soda Fountain after work and work a double there on Saturday, as well as get $25 worth of chocolates made for someone for a bridal shower 3 days earlier than expected. I have my class reunion planning going on, and let's not forget the planning for that other nifty wonderful thing that is oh so far away. I still have to get my financial info over to my lawyer to help him finish up the opting-out agreement so Paul and I don't have to go back to court on Sept 10th, and we can be divorced within a month or so from that filing date. I have yet to receive child support this month, nor have I yet to figure out what the hell it is that the child support unit in my building actually does!!!! Jerks. I have rent, two car payments (totalling $585 just for the two cars plus $110 for insurance!!) and a $98 cell phone bill along with all my other bills. I took 5 days unpaid this last pay period so between the loss in pay there, the lack of the $989 from support, and the $1034 charge for my return flight from London, yeah, I'm hurting quite a bit. Oh and apparently I need to add a Java update for my computer, as it is flashing in my face, annoyingly. :)
I know this soundslike a miserable rant, but I'm not really all that pissy....right now. :)
I'm considering taking the test for Oneida County Deputy Sheriff Road Patrol that is coming up in November. I mean, you know, it wouldn't hurt to see if I could pass the test...right? :) I think I'd benefit greatly from the training, I think it'd teach me to be more assertive. Either that or I crumble or turn in to a blubbering puddle before even getting to learn the lesson on assertiveness! hahahaha.
Okay, bedtime. BLAH!
That's it for now.
Too lazy to spell check.... So enjoy!!
I miss you my Crystaaaaaaaaahhhhhhllllll. :):):) xoxoxoxoxoxox

Vegas, Baby

While you were gone, we celebrated my mother's 50th birthday. Although if you ask anyone on the trip, they will swear that she was celebrating her 80th. It's my fault really. She didn't want to go to Vegas, she wanted to go camping at a KOA in San Diego. Spending 7 days in northern Minnesota, (in a brand new cabin fully loaded with amenities), with my mother was so much fun that when we returned to the Twin Cities I avoided her the rest of the trip and didn't see her again until we got home to California. So why on God's green earth, I asked myself, would I volunteer to rough it, sleep in a tent, have no kitchen, tv or internet for four days? Especially when I would have to live with the painful knowledge that home was just one short 45 minute drive away? Consequently, when she told me what she wanted to do for her birthday, I openly agreed, and immediately started plotting a way to get her to change her mind. God only knows how I did it, as the woman is as stubborn as a mule. The trick was to make it think it was her own idea. Even then, the night before we were supposed to leave she was stressing and having an anxiety fit, texting me with a "I can't deal with this...We're not going." Of course, that meant I had to call her and find out what was wrong. The kitchen wasn't clean, the living room was a mess, no one was helping her, and the IRS was going to garnish her wages because of a tax liability Greg left on the business. After letting her vent and doing my best to reassure her, I hung up and told David that the trip was still up in the air. Five minutes later I got a text that said, "Fuck it. We're going." I should have known then...

Between the heat, which honestly wasn't so bad (I expected 112 degrees to feel much worse), her arthritis (which apparently flares up when she tries to walk any sort of distance), the crowds (she gets claustrophobic), her not wanting to spend any money (unless it was on shopping), we were all ready to declare mutiny and tie her to the bow of the ship that sits in front of Treasure Island - during the nightly pyrotechnic part of the show where it goes up in flames...

Now you might not think that's very nice of us to think. But no sooner did we leave our hotel the first day, (on our way to the Bellagio to see the botanical gardens and then the Mirage to see the white tigers) and she charges off down the strip at a lightening pace and manages to put one block of distance between me and my kids and siblings (though she had Emma with her), so much so that we could barely see her. We eventually caught up with her in an outdoor shopping forum where she had collapsed on a bench next to a vending machine selling water. "What on earth are you doing?" I asked her, puzzled.
"I'm trying to get to where we're going as fast as possible before the heat melts my shoes to the pavement or my arthritis makes me feet swell, because then my shoes won't fit," she snaps.
Right. I know my mother and can tell how quickly this is about to take a turn for the worse. So I take control of the situation and change the plans. I sell my plan thusly: "Let's get mom a wheelchair or I'm going to strangle her." We walked and she limped her way into Treasure Island, where I dragged us all to a concierge desk that had two cherry red electric wheelchairs sitting in front of it.
"I need one of those," I plead the man behind the desk, worried that they might only be for paying guests of the hotel. Lucky for us, they were for rent. Ten minutes later, we're cruising out of the hotel from a side entrance, trying to find our way back to the Strip. With Sophia in her lap, my mother, being my mother, decides to cross the side street instead of driving a little further to the cross walk. Not wanting to get separated, we all ran across the street, shouting after her - "What are you doing?!" We make it to the sidewalk, just as she realizes that she's in a wheelchair and needs a ramp to get back up onto the sidewalk. Thus, she is forced to drive down the rest of the street, into a turning lane, now with a car behind her, with Sophia in her lap, trying to make it to the cross walk ramp. I swear I didn't know whether to pee my pants laughing or strangle her. Of course, my camera batteries were dead, but I do have the video on her Droid. I'll have to upload it somehow.

15 minutes later, Ashley claims she can't walk any further because she's wearing shorts. We look, and sure enough her skin between her thighs is bright red and beginning to blister. Now we take another detour into Caesar's Forum looking for a pair of pants for Ashley. For the love of Pete!
You will find it hilarious to know that my mother's wheelchair eventually begins short circuiting, and would go from traveling 10 miles an hour to a dead stop. We had to call Treasure Island who sent someone to come pick it up, only he couldn't find us, so we had to walk all the way back to the hotel with my mother riding the wheelchair, stopping and going in abrupt spurts. There are Treasure Island, she says we're taking a cab back to the hotel so we can eat. Not wanting her to waste the money, I tell her to take a cab, and we can walk. She insists we take a cab, I insist we don't need one, go ahead without us. To make my point, I walk away, only to have her follow us for another two blocks before she drags us into a cab line and hails two taxis. "Get in the taxi," I am told.
We never made it to see anything we had set out to see. And that was the end of the first day.

The next day was a little better as I acquiesced to all her wishes. We went to the MGM Grand, watched them feed the lions, which was really cool. They would throw raw hamburger meat on the glass right in fron of where you stood, and the lions would come lick it off. William and Sophia both got meat on the glass in front of their faces. We hit the M&M store, did some shopping, had lunch at MGM Rainforest Cafe, and then that night we dressed up and had an "Old Time" photo shoot, after which the kids went to the amusement park inside out hotel, with rollercoasters and such.
And now, some random pictures...

My mother is an alien. I swear it.

Her favorite brother-in-law

He really is a good Uncle.

At the M&M store

My mother, learning what a "Dirty Sanchez" was.

Minnesota Trip in pictures, continued...

It was amazing to be able to see my family and cousins again. This was the first time we've all been together in over ten years. It makes me sad to think about it. Maybe if we're lucky, David can pick up recruiting orders to the Twin Cities in 2012. We shall see. In the meantime, here are some of my favorite memories...

This is our attempt at "attitude". I'm not quite sure we were successful.

~*~

Matt (in the Gumby shirt) was having a hard time having attitude and looking pissed, so Zach (his brother in the red shirt) slapped him and then looked away. We were all rolling in the grass.

~*~

I added this one just for you.

 It reminded me of that really old email you dug up that had the dream about my brother in it.

Hehe.

~*~

And one more of my boys, because I love them.

~*~

My "beaufitul" Aunt Kelly. I yuv her too.

~*~

You know this girl...

and this girl...

~*~

Don't let her fool you. she really loved fishing and being out on the pontoon boat.

~*~

there was a lot of this....

and this....

~*~

After 7 days of fun, we headed back to the Cities. While we were there, we met up with Emma's Grandma Kim and Grandpa Pat.

Can you believe how old Emma looks? She's starting 7th grade this month, and turning 12 in November.

Whoa.

Anyway, I won't bore you with more pictures. Suffice it to say, we had a sweet time on my mother's dime, although she says she'd do it again in a heartbeat, though the whole vacation cost her over $6000.

Can't wait to see any pictures you might have from your London trip:)